About Me

What happens at the end of the road? I hope everything.

I’m very good at complicating my life, or at least believing my life is complicated. Five years ago, at 41, I had my first baby, O. I got married a month later, moved to France when she was 9 months old, started a new job and started learning French. My husband is a not-sad SAHD who happens to be French as well as American. In the past four years, we’ve had so many challenges, opportunities and changes! We added F, a boy, now 2, to our family. My husband’s father died while I was pregnant with F. We became responsible for his now somewhat vulnerable French mother. I took a promotion at my huge global company. And after searching for over 2 years, we’re in the final steps of purchasing our first home. So I suppose my life is at least a little complicated.

I’ve wanted to start writing for years, and I certainly have enough material! But I could never decide whether to blog about:

  • becoming a parent in my 40s
  • natural childbirth
  • my passion for garden-to-table organic cooking
  • being the working wife of a stay at home dad
  • being an American living and working in France

It’s true that I’m passionate about all of those things. But the reason I’m finally starting this blog is:

  • I’m an alcoholic

(dead silence.)

I’ve been suffering at my own hands most of my life. I got sober, the traditional way, at AA, in my early 20s when I was a struggling artist in New York. I stayed sober (well, mostly sober) for 3 years. One day I decided I didn’t want to retain a negative label for the rest of my life. I was young, full of hope for my future and heading to a great acting school near Chicago. I thought I could start drinking and smoking weed again without any adverse life effects. And it worked, I suppose. For awhile.

I succeeded in grad school and was considered to be talented – on the same level with my classmates, who now work in “the biz” on stage or on screen in LA, Chicago and NYC. But there was always this nagging voice, filling me with guilt. The voice telling me that I was diminishing my potential, and drifting farther and farther away from myself.

That was close to 20 years ago, and while I could puke out a laundry list of regrets, the truth is, my path led me to the life I have now – a life I am very grateful for.

Last week, I decided I want to be at the end of the road with alcohol. And I gave myself permission to stop drinking.

What happens at the end of the road? I hope everything.

2 thoughts on “About Me

  1. Now I know why we were suppose to be blogging friends. Not because you live overseas, but because I am an addict to. I read your blog because I have a blog called “The happy quitter” about my journey how I gave up smoking after 35 years. I learned a thing or two about addiction and I bow in front of everybody who says “ENOUGH….STOP…I am in control”. I am so happy to meet you. You can do this, you are already doing it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree with you. It takes so much courage to become willing to change, especially after a lifetime of self abuse. I smoked on and off, but mostly on, for most of my life. I finally quit for good when I got pregnant with my 2nd child 3 years ago. Since then I’ve had two bouts of fairly scary bronchitis, and a lot of regret and shame.

      I am so happy to meet you. This is such a lovely world of exchange of ideas and humanness. I really love your blog. I love to cook as well but have never had time to chronicle any of my creations…so I’m not only getting great new ideas about what to make from your site (it’s so full of fabulous things!), but I’m also inspired to share some of the things I do. Maybe one day, when my kids are older and I get some sober legs? Thank you for the encouragement. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

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