I’m still sober, or at least I haven’t been drinking. So, yay.
Work is going really well. Things are clicking in a major way. So much so that when my boss was out of town last week, and I met with his boss, he said, YOU ARE SHINING.
At home…things are so much better than they were two years ago. I just sort of re-noticed this as I was walking up to my office this morning. As in, far fewer conflicts. A lot more communication that helps to avoid conflicts.
So…yeah, you get it. Yay.
I’ve basically just replaced my alcohol abuse with food. I keep gaining weight, can’t get back to any real motivation to do something about it. Mentally, this puts me in a similar place (though not nearly as awful) as I was in with booze. Meaning…lots of thoughts about my mortality, I’m killing myself with food, I’m going to die young and leave my kids motherless.
I know that this is entirely my responsibility. My mental health, I mean. I have been doing zero about it. I haven’t been coming here, I haven’t been going to therapy, I haven’t been doing positive affirmations or chakra meditations or anything that I know I need to do to battle this lifelong attraction to darkness and self-… self-… hmmm. This lifelong habit of not loving and taking care of myself.
But writing is healing. More importantly connecting here is healing. And it seems like just this one action has the potential to stoke an ember into flame.
And I’ve been sober for 136 days.
Love and light to you. And to me too.