I like this number. A lot.

Things have been better with me. And I mean that in both connotations.  🙂 I’m discovering that sugar – and my addiction to it – causes me to feel depressed.  My experiments with cutting it out completely reveal that it is making me feel awful. When I have none I feel great – more energy and more importantly, more hope. More sunshine. So it’s back on my plan for eating/feeling well this week, and I also set my intention to prep for at least one mid-day workout this week and one morning of yoga. I am craving health!

Another experiment I’ve been doing is no coffee. I have had a sneaking suspicion that my adrenals are fatigued so it’s been (mostly) no caffeine as well, along with some adrenal support supplements. When I tried a cup after a week of cutting it out it was like rocket fuel! And headaches returned. Anyway as I said I’m just experimenting with how various things in my diet are affecting me.

At work I’m busier than ever in January…I still need to write the annual reviews for my staff and hold meetings. But at least I was able to clear my calendar and finish a big writing project that’s been a monkey on my back for a year. It feels great to have that GONE.

Socially I find I’m having the same troubles….lack of trust, feeling awkward and even awful in my own skin, especially in an all-French room. I found myself really missing the U.S. yesterday.  Deeply. Still feeling isolated, with heavy thoughts of shame and judgement.  (That sounded like a weather report and made me laugh.)

We saw a therapist (!) last week and T and I will go back for a couple’s session on Thursday.  As is well documented, we need it. I’m still on the fence about medication. The antisocial feelings yesterday made me think I really need them, but I’ve also been wondering if I should make a better attempt at diet and exercise too. Or first. Or too. Eeeehhh. I’ll see what the psych says Thursday.  And I finally have some GABA arriving soon in the post.

Today I have another opportunity to be social and more open as we’ve invited a single mom to join us @ the aquarium in Monaco. Another all French day. I’ll make it. 🙂

I have a lot more to write but need to get my day started.

Sending love and encouragement to you…. ❤

7 thoughts on “77

  1. Self experimentation is such a great thing. After all, we are all different.
    Hug. Those are hard feelings. Keep talking about them. I have had them too, and knowing I’m not alone helped me.
    Yay for 77!


  2. lovely!
    food diaries help, altho it’s one more ting to do….
    i would write what i ate and how i felt, some of the links were quite obvious.
    Sugar continues to be a monkey on my back…i intend to start on that one soon.



  3. I”ve been sugar bingeing since the New Year, ugh, I just had left over cake for breakfast. It’s exercise I’m after, I think it’s because of a big birthday I have this year, but that’s 9 friction months away. Oh well, I get how you would feel ostracized in a room full of French or German or whatever when you’re the only Yank. Hang in there, 77 is a good place to be and tomorrow it’s 78.


  4. Dear D,
    Congrats on your day 77! Beautiful. 🙂 I am happy that things seem to brighten a bit. I’ve been trying to not eat sugar (72% or more dark chocolate) for a few days now; my heart did not seem to take it anymore. Literally felt like my heart was infected. So I quit the chocolate which had gone up to 100-150grams a day and HERE I AM! It’s amazing how the fog disappears and normalness and happiness just walkes right back in. Eventhough I could imagine indeed that trying to feel normal in a room filled with French…. mwoah…… they are a peculiar lot. 🙂
    You know I’m no doctor but after a time of ‘well, lets not say this’ I again start to feel uncomfortable with not speaking my mind so…. on the medication: why not go to an Ayurvedic doctor for some food / health advice? They also have ‘happy’ pills, but nature based, not pharmacy based. Normal ‘medication’ can deplete all kinds of things in the body including your adrenal thingies.
    Bach remedies are a bit troublesome now I can imagine? Or?
    Btw, there is this Dutch psychiatrist Bram Bakker and he did research on depression. He had a large group of depressed people split up in 3 subgroups. Subgroup 1 got pills, section 2 went running a few times a week only and section 3 got both. Now what group do you think got rid of their depression fastest? Yeah, the running group and they stayed clear of depression. The pill group did not fully recover and stayed depressed. The combination group did something inbetween. Pills are not neccessarily good, they might be a temporary patch however his research denied that too, but they are definitaly not a long time solutions. Specifically because they mainly cause all kinds of other inbalance in the body as well.
    My thoughts: if you find such a great result with the ‘no sugar’ why not continue on that path? Get some extra vitamin D for the winter months, some Omega 3 from flax oil or fatty fish. A handfull of walnuts a day, combined with a multi-vitamin B or some eco pork meat; all good. If I were in your shoes (which I am not, I know) I would want to know for sure that it is not a lack of vitamins and minerals which are responsible for feeling down.
    And haha, but we have been there before: how are you doing on the self-time? 😉 I have this idiotically simple job for only 4 days but I need almost all of the spare time to me in order to cope. And yes that might sound overly dramatic and maybe I could do more than this but I want to make sure I keep afloat because that is the most important thing I can do. I could not even begin to imagine how one with a responsible job copes with sobriety AND a job AND a family where everybody has his/her own story aswell. :-/ So, again, hats off for the sober, working mom in the foreign country. 🙂 ❤ (I just Googled 'jokes on French people… can't even put them up here. 😀 )
    Hope my rambling brought you something, if not, please let me know.
    Sending love and hugs,


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