Ì came so very close to drinking today. All the elements were there, the ones that have caused me to falter each time in the past year:
- Special occasion
- Friends over who drink
- Good wine being drunk
- Great food made by me
- Temptation loud loud loud in my head
I’m really grateful to be writing this and to still be sober. It’s a bit amazing actually. Do you know what the tipping point ultimately was, during that battle? I’m actually not completely sure. I know I had lots of thoughts of you guys, and that gave me a lot of strength. I know the most persuasive sober argument was thinking of all the emotional battles I’ve been through these past weeks, and worrying that I actually might not make it back to another Day 1 this time. I know I thought about how good it would feel to actually make it through this day without giving in this time, and I realized that if I did fight back, it would be easier the next time. I know I challenged several thoughts (and even 2-3 actual decisions) to drink. I’m not sure how, but the sober voice kept fighting back, and after about 30-45 minutes of a pretty intense mental battle, the desire to drink just…disappeared.
This is the Big Situation that has always tripped me up, and I didn’t drink. What a huge, amazing, empowering RELIEF.
Thank you for being here, for helping me be accountable to myself today.
Love and light, D